In college, my fellow English majors and I used to joke about how we were paying thousands of tuition dollars on an education that was just going to land us a home in a cardboard box. (Odd that our collective creativity couldn't come up with a better joke than the cardboard box cliche, but I digress.)
After graduation, I eventually managed to find a job that allows me to live in a normal-sized apartment with actual sturdy walls and a roof. But I can't thank my diploma, as I very rarely invoke my English major skeeeelz in the workplace. I mean, I have to make sure that all the words are spelled right on
my company's website and all of our advertising materials, but they aren't exactly five-dollar words, and as a former fifth-grade spelling bee champion, I think I could have completed this task even before I entered the hallowed halls of
my alma mater.
So, not only does my degree serve no practical purpose in my professional life. But also, it has given me sufficient knowledge of the English language's grammar rules to become significantly irritated when I hear others abusing them.
Today's example: Jesse McCartney's song "
Leavin." I hear this song played on the radio approximately 548 times a day, and although the teenybopper inside me* secretly kinda likes it, the song also drives me completely crazy. And not just because hearing a kid that looks like
this say the word "shorty" makes me cringe like I did when
David Archuleta tried to make the lyric "my boo" sound natural when performing Chris Brown's "With You." Stick to what you know, kids.
No, the real reason I want to punch Jesse McCartney's songwriter is for the crime of randomly interchanging pronouns. The whole song is directed at some girl, one who's apparently the baddest little thing that he's ever seen. Almost every line says "you": "I've been watching you all day/Man, that thing you got behind you is amazing." Except for this ONE TIME when he switches to "I" for the first line of each chorus:
Why don't you tell him that I'm leavin, never looking back again
I just don't understand! Wouldn't this chick's "shorty" be happy if, in fact, Jesse leaves, never looks back again, and therefore stops hitting on his girlfriend? How is that a threat to the guy to treat her better? So I assume he is giving her a specific script for how to tell her shorty that
she's the one who is leaving. But if that's the case, then why does he switch BACK to "you" in the very next line?
You found somebody who does it better than he can
You see my dilemma. Thanks a lot, B.A. in English. My teenybopper self just wants to relax and enjoy this crappy song, but she can't focus when her grownup counterpart is tearing out her hair in frustration every time it comes on the airwaves.
*This is the part of me that still uses LipSmackers instead of grownup chapstick because hello, it tastes better. Even if it makes the Target pharmacist laugh at me when she rings it up. That's a different blog.
Once upon a time, I received too many emails from a select few offenders who always choose the "Importance Level: High" sending option! The bright red exclamation point prompts me to drop what I'm doing and read your emails immediately because they must be URGENT!! But then I get irritated when, alas, they are of only normal importance! I don't like to be lied to!! Someday, you will send me an URGENT email that really does require immediate action on my behalf!!!! Tragically, I will see the red exclamation point next to your name, but instead of obeying the exclamation point, I will roll my eyes and open the email whenever I damn well feel like it!! 
I read a lot of blogs in my limited spare time. Mostly because I don't currently have any new books at home, and I'm too lazy to drive to the library. But also because I like learning new information and discovering new writers, and there are a lot of talented writers out there, blogging about all sorts of topics.