What the hell, China?

Since it only occurs once every four years, lately I've taken to watching the Michael Phelps show Olympics. Due to a 12-hour time difference and the fact that I'm 75 years old, most of the events occur after my bedtime, so I must resort to checking CNN.com the next day to read recaps of my favorite events. For every article about an event, though, there's another one about how China has been faking it more than Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.

Now that the Chinese female gymnasts have beaten out the U.S. team for the gold, there has been increased grumbling that some of those tiny girls can't be older than 14, even though their passports (issued by the Chinese government) insist they are at least 16, the minimum age to compete in the Michael Phelps show Olympics.

Looking at photos of the Chinese team, I have to agree with protesters, and to that I say, what the hell, China? Athletes here in America might occasionally dabble in the performance-enhancing drugs, but they'd never stoop to something so low as lying about their age just to gain an advantage in a sporting competition.


Apparently China's not only interested in winning as many gold medals as possible, though. They're also out to show everyone that they can throw the best darn-tootin' Michael Phelps show Olympics the world has ever seen - even if they have to fake their way through that, too. Yesterday this story broke, revealing that the cute little girl who sang "Ode to the Motherland" during the opening ceremonies was actually lip-synching the performance. The girl who actually provided the vocals was deemed not good-looking enough to perform the song, thereby setting a new world record in earliest onset of low self-esteem.

What the hell, China? Maybe some musicians in America occasionally lip-synch their performances (everyone say hi to Ashlee Simpson!), but at least they provide their own vocals on the recordings. We'd never do something like, say, give a recording contract to someone who lip-synchs to the vocals of those who "lack a marketable image."


China is so desperate for perfection that even some of the fireworks during the opening ceremonies were faked. Worried about "poor visibility," the Beijing organizing committee opted to use some previously recorded footage of computerized fireworks.

Seriously, what the hell, China? Are you really so superficial that you feel the need to enhance something that, in its natural state, already inspires awe and reverance from probably about half of the world's population? Unheard of.


You should be ashamed of yourselves.